Everyone says winter is awesome for several reasons, but I’m here to prove those reasons are actually ways that we’re all kidding ourselves. And that winter sucks.
Sure, they’re cute, but so are spring and summer blouses and tunics. Also, sweaters are made out of wool, and wool is inherently scratchy, and winter is dry, and when you have a scratchy fabric on dry, itchy skin, it’s the worst.
2. Holiday Parties
It’s a party in the wintertime, which we all know is the best time to load up on high-calorie foods and hunker down in large, oversized things, and avoid other people till the sun comes out. And then you’re supposed to wear tight fitting dresses and heels and traipse around eating crudites and listening to holiday music. The worst. I can eat and listen to music at home, kthxbai
Guys get hot and sweaty because they tend to be part polar bear. Your feet are freezing ice cold, theirs are not, the last thing they want is for you to be touching them with your icy extremities. No matter what, everyone in the snugglefest is unhappy and it doesn’t last long. So then you stay freezing ice cold and FAIL.
4. Winter skin products
There are actually entire products dedicated completely to wintertime because it’s so lame. And then they smell like cranberry or vanilla sugar cookies and for a minute you think, “Wow I’m sooooo glad it’s wintertime because everything smells THE BEST.” But then you remember you have to slather on the products like crazy all season long or else your eczema will flare up and you’ll look like a leper. Cranberry scents be damned — you know the only other time you have peely skin besides winter? Sunburns. Sunburns are the worst. Winter is the worst.
5. Holiday card photos
Sure, they sound really quaint because you’re bundled up in sweaters and scarves and boots and you look super adorable until you realize it hasn’t snowed yet and it’s just freezing butt cold and ALL THE TREES ARE DEAD. So you get a family photo surrounded by death.