Just when I think I’ve finally got a hold of social milieus, I am reminded that, in fact, I do not. At all. Rather, I am no good at social interactions when it really boils down to it.
Case in point: I kept getting louder and louder while regaling my friends (one of whom has chronic migraines) with a story in which I had a really lousy social interaction with someone, Double fail.
There have been two distinct points in my life during which I felt pretty confident I had Asperger’s. The doctors all said no, but there’s still this part of me that thinks they’re all wrong or they’re just trying to save me from yet another label, indicating my brain is less functional than it probably should be. Eye contact does make me pretty uncomfortable. Is all I’m saying.
The thing is, interacting with other human beings is a really hard thing. We’ve all got these weird personalities and then we try to spend time with people who may or may not complement them, and then we decide to become friends with some (for what appears to be no good reason at all because some of my friends are very similar to me and some are extremely opposite and then there are all those in between), and then — this is the real kicker — we decide to get married to one. Or two, three, four. Depending upon how much you like
being getting married, I suppose.
This is what I tell people from the get-go: I have a very specific type of personality (this honest-to-goodness makes me think of that monologue from “Taken.” Every time.) We haven’t quite been able to pinpoint what yet, but suffice it to say, it’s riddled with mental disorder (that’s probably an exaggeration, but it sure sounds exciting) and has similarities to Asperger’s (according to me and apparently no one else). Also I’m loud and opinionated and sensitive and struggle with confrontation at all times, under all circumstances. Also, people tend to call me a social butterfly and one even called me gregarious, which naturally led to my becoming his friend because how many twenty-two year olds do you know who A) use the word gregarious and B) know HOW to use it. I feel like there’s a disparity between how people perceive me and how I think I present myself to the world sometimes.
Other times, I am seriously the raddest. Ever.