Vertigo: A Love Story

Confession: This isn’t a love story at all, but I thought that was a nice sounding title.

As it turns out, the vertigo hasn’t gone away yet. This has made for an exciting week (remember, I got it on Friday), although I have yet to collapse, pass out, stumble into things, or ram the car into stuff (although it could be easily argued that my ramming the car into stuff wouldn’t be vertigo related at all). It’s like I’m walking on a trampoline and sitting on a waterbed. All the time.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

For the most part I haven’t really been that concerned about it. I haven’t gone to the doctor, I don’t really feel as though I need to, and I’m still going out and doing things. It will really suck if I have a brain tumor. But as the week continued to pass on, I realized there was one large thing that should strike fear and terror into my heart: airplane trip to Oregon.

Photo courtesy of gettyimages.com

Yeah, I’m going to Oregon tomorrow for ten days. I know you’re totally jealous. Unless, of course, you live in Oregon, in which case you understand why all my other readers should be jealous. Anyhow, the Oregon part doesn’t strike fear and terror (although the fact that I will have to return to … *sighs* … Utah is such a bummer). The airplane trip part does. There’s a fairly large part of me that’s concerned that, given my current state of feeling woozy while standing/sitting/laying down/walking/leaning, an airplane will suck.

Walgreen’s … I can’t get away from it: So we decided, to celebrate our nation’s independence, we’d hit up the grocery store for cereal and the drug store for — this being on the Internet will probably make Mom sad — an ear wax removal kit. And some generic Bonine.

Image courtesy of walgreens.com

I mean, we got some fireworks in. Vertigo on the 3rd level balcony of an apartment complex is kind of fun and mostly horrifying. So not all is lost. But there’s something kind of really tragic about spending the 4th of July flushing out your spouse’s ear, watching a warm stream of water fill a bowl. With, you know, other stuff.

Before you get too grossed out: My ears are perfectly clean. Which is a little disappointing because I was hoping the vertigo would magically go away.

Before you read this, turn on “The Star Spangled Banner” in the background, softly, but increasing the volume a little bit at a time: So let’s take a minute to recognize this great country and how easy it is for us to drive our Asian designed cars to 24 hour drug stores (which do not, incidentally, have chopsticks. Totally disappointing.) and buy things like ear wax removal kits and flush out Husband’s ears for fun.

Yay Amercia!

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