Seriously if any of my friends crack pregnant jokes, I will unfriend you on Facebook. Immediately.
You know how sometimes you suddenly get a hankering for a very specific food and nothing else will do? I spend a lot of time craving something crunchy and salty, but anything crunchy and salty will suit me fine. Those are times when you’ll find me
attacking perusing our Lays Co. 50 ct. Classic Mix of chips. Or I get those “I need fruit POST HASTE” moments (which is probably indication that I’m lacking in some vital nutrients or something), and let me tell you it’s kind of a low point when you do all you can to make a Dum Dums lollipop last because it’s the only fruit in the house.
I always want chocolate. Just so you know.
Tonight became something of a craver’s nightmare for me. Husband has been working particularly late hours, so I finally came to the conclusion that I’d rather make myself a lame, crappy dinner and then make him something delicious later, rather than spend a lot of time making four servings of something amazing and then…putting it the fridge till he got home. Incidentally I won’t let him eat lame, crappy dinners, but they’re more than a-okay for me. So I had a salad for dinner.
I didn’t actually even realize I was craving something till Husband called to inform me he was coming home and asked if he could have a ham, egg, potato, and cheese dish that I make. Even then I didn’t feel those twinges of food necessity, but as soon as I threw the potatoes into the melted butter and heard them sizzling and crisping up, it suddenly hit me. I needed a french fry or else I would die.
Well the problem was that I’d already eaten a large club salad for dinner, followed by a mixture of milk chocolate chips and peanut butter chips, and also I didn’t want to leave the apartment as soon as Husband walked in the door so I could go purchase some french fries. (I don’t make french fries, btw, for those of you who are thinking you have the perfect solution for me. They are never, no never, as good as what I might get at a restaurant. Plus they make the place stink.) I thought perhaps the feeling would pass, so I gave Husband his dinner, and decided to distract myself with television.
We’ve been watching a lot of “How I Met Your Mother.” It’s been legen — waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit for it —
This craving wouldn’t let up. Even the raucous humor of
Swarley Barney couldn’t keep me from thinking “fries” every once in awhile. Time passed. It became later. Husband went to bed. And I turned on the Food Network because sometimes, when you’re really craving delicious food, it’s just a good idea to stare at images of more delicious food — sometimes even that exact food you need OR ELSE — to make things just way better worse.
The Low Point
I ended up eating a bowl of generic Honey Nut Cheerios. It was, unquestionably, the most disappointing attempt at a cravings fix of my entire life. All twenty-eight years. Wretched.