He Don’t Talk So Good

Ah, Mitt Romney. Presidential hopeful. (As in, he’s hopeful. I am hopeful that anyone but him becomes president, but let’s not get ourselves into an unnecessary political debate. Some people are liberal and some people are conservative and they’re all allowed to feel however they want and that’s what’s so great about Amercia, isn’t it. )

Photo courtesy of wired.com

Amercia. The latest and greatest published snafu, this time via app.

I mean, you’d think there’d be an app for that.

I think I get where Romney was coming from — he and all his proofreading cronies, who apparently decided to take the day off. After all, I’m apt to ignore the little red squiggly lines below many of my typed words, and I haven’t used spellcheck since about 1998, when it wouldn’t recognize my last name. I retaliated by not recognizing it. I think I’m winning.

Plus it has this lovely European ring to it — ah-mehr-see-uh. At least, that’s how it should be pronounced. In fact, I think I would love to live in that exotic place. It’s probably really lush.

Photo courtesy of gettyimages.com
Welcome to Amercia, where it is sunny all day long and the women are beautiful!

The thing is, grammatical and spelling errors are popping up more than ever before. In fact, they’re everywhere. Facebook is probably the largest offender, but we can’t ignore Pinterest or SomeEcards or, on occasion, commencement exercises. Admittedly grammatical errors stumble out of my mouth fairly regularly, and I’d try to empathize with the rest of the world and say I spell things incorrectly, too, but I’ve got to say: I’m a really good speller. (I get my fill of humble pie, however, with a really lousy vocabulary. I can spell it, but that doesn’t mean I have any clue what it means. I spent the past 28 years misusing “non-plussed” and “ironic,” for starters.)

We all know the most common mistakes; errant apostrophes (or even worse, missing apostrophes), the your/you’re conundrum, not to mention there/their/they’re. And it’s/its. That gets nearly everyone all of the time.

Image courtesy of heymrswilson.net

But there are others that have been brought to my attention lately that are nearly inexplicable. The comma after “but” or “and.” The dash instead of the hyphen, and vice versa. Made up words like “I’s”.

A really important life lesson: “I’s” is not a word. It has never been a word. It never will be a word.

Also, brung. I had a friend in college who thought brung made more sense than brought. I can’t say for certain, but I’ll bet you I went into cardiac arrest every time she said that. The fact that I just typed it gave me the slightest palpitation. Quick, find an EKG.

It’s not that I mean to be a know-it-all or persnickety about these things. It seems to me that most people would want to be told if they were about to step off a cliff or leave the house without pants on, and I’d say a grammatically-challenged conversation with the CEO of a large  company or a misspelling in the ole resume would probably produce the same amount of pain or embarrassment.

Time for a confession: Upon graduation, I applied for a copyediting position at the Oxford University Press, only to later discover I had a typo in my resume. True story.

You probably guessed it already, but: I did not get a job offer.

But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Romney was actually trying to reach out to the masses — show them how misspelled words in a public forum can be kind of catchy. Everyone’s doing it. There’s the possibility that there’s actually this really great party going on, and I simply haven’t been invited because I’m stuck in the yesteryear when the proper usage of the English language was a thing.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have scoffed and turned up my nose to ‘N Sync when they boldly promised “if you were my girlfriend, I’d treat you good” and instead run to their skinny open arms. Because I’m assuming, with a statement like that coming from five guys, reverse gender bigamy is on the table. But it’s sketchy, at best — I’m sure there have been papers written on the potential interpretation of their meaning.

Photo courtesy of oocities.org

Alas and alack, I haven’t been to a party in years, Husband only treats me well (the nerve!), and I’m happy enough with the arrangement to not budge one bit.

I mean, I suck at Math. And French. So you might as well give me this one thing.


One thought on “He Don’t Talk So Good

  1. Pingback: Vertigo: A Love Story « The Low Point

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